so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
