just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
