I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
