oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
