I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
