you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
