i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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