I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
