I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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