I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
