Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
