if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
