I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
