whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
