It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
