My friends, they love my intelligence
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
