i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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