He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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