hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to make a zoo with you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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