so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
