you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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