thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
