I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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