No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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