only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
