I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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