Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
