I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
