I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wow bdsm is so cute
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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