Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
