So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
