wanna go halves on a baby?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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