How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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