Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
