i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
