Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
