I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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