you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
