You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
wanna go halves on a baby?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
