dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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