After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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