I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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