i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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