Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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