FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
