Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
