before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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