it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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