Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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