I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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