I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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