Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
