What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
